Throughout the last couple of days I've been hearing do what you want to do for your life and love what you do. The real statement is do what God wants you to do and love it. The question is though what does God want me to do. I have a passion for my girls and youth ministry but I wouldn't be able to make a living doing that, because it's volunteer work. I don't know what I love anymore or what my dreams and hope for the future is. I'm stuck in a spot where I feel so far away from the state of hopes and dreams but to close to reality. I realized I don't like reality, it's not fun and reality makes people not accomplish their hopes and dreams. I have been so consumed with completing school that I lost sight of my hopes and dreams for the future. I have been praying about it and it feels like nothing is happening and i know God answers prayers but right now I feel so distant. So to end these last couple of days let's make a toast to our hopes and dreams. May we not loose sight of them!

Why is it that people are never satisfied? People choose to become a certain person when they grow up and do a certain occupation and then when they worked so hard to become that person they are unsatisfied and by that time can't go back. I'm afraid that person will be me. Someone who was always trying to be the best even though I knew I couldn't succeed at it. Focusing on certain things that i knew brought my parents happiness and pride, but in reality didn't bring me happiness but a lot of pride. So what do I do now? Do I go on living always striving for perfection or accepting perfection as a faint glimpse of what is to come? When I look back at times that I thought was perfect they were times of true contemptment. Playing with my band at nursing homes and churches was the best. I remember when I didn't have to play I would watch the people in the crowd (who was most of the time sleeping) and they would just laugh, clap, and sing the songs that brought back so many memories to them. Playing with the band gave me the opportunity to work at the nursing home where I could focus on each individual and their lives and stories you could only read about in books. It was my job and hope that I could make a little bit of difference in the last days of their lifes and give to them the time and love that they so deserved. I only worked there for 3 months, and it tore my heart when I had to say goodbye to my favorite people knowing that when they said I will see you soon, that in reality that soon couldn't come soon enough. I know this: I don't want to be consumed with the every day business that life brings, but be consumed with the little perfections in life. Whether it be the perfect song on the radio, rainbow in the sky, or a smile, it is those people who find contemptment in the imperfections which turn into perfection.